Tuesday | July 31, 2007

Trying

It's been almost a whole month now. I still care about you alot. I wish I didn't but only for my own selfish reasons. I know you really are a great person. One of a kind. Hopefully things will all work out. I'm just dealing with my current problems one at a time and hoping that distracts me just enough. I'm also waiting n a few things to get going here in my life. Hopefully I'll find things out sooner then later. Also since this is like my private journal and I notice there are people looking at it. Please comment and identify yourself. Thank you.
Posted by Waiting for you at 17:13:25 | Permanent Link | Comments (30) |

Sunday | July 29, 2007

Unmotivated

Lately I haven't been feeling like doing anything. Anything I try to accomplish seems like it's only getting a half ass effort at best. I sit down to eat, I eat maybe ha;f of what I used to. My head is always hurting. My body aches. I have to force myself to do things I used to love. There are a few times a day where I get passionate about something, very few, and they usually involve you in some way. I'll make it through this. I've been alot worse. So I should be able to handle this this time. I still love you alot and miss you even more.
Posted by Waiting for you at 05:40:48 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Friday | July 27, 2007

Angry

I am about fed up. I've completely had it. I'm tired of life fucking shitting on me. I pay my taxes. What the fuck did I do in a past life or current one that was so damn cruel. Did I kill 100 small children and puppies? Must have been something terrible. I've completely had it. There is no point in trying to live. Thing get going good. Shit falls, and just doesn't stop. I've had a whole month of shit, and thank god this month is almost fucking over. August was shaping up to be a wonderful month. Fuck I don't know how know. All of the good things that happened to me this month were the result of something negative happening first. That aint right. Direct result even. Sure my back doesn't hurt know, but why the fuck did it in the first place. My heart and soul are know blackened. I have enter the nightmare from hell, Dark Illusions Here I come.
Posted by Waiting for you at 09:49:33 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Sunday | July 22, 2007

Dreaming of You

I miss you alot. Everything we do, even those little pokes on facebook, make me happy for a good solid evening. I had a dream about you. We were lieing in bed, just talking. Then I looked at you and told you I had something I needed to tell you, something I had to get off my chest. We stared into each others eyes and I couldn't tell you anything, you started growing impatient with me, so you kissed my neck like you can, and turned me into instant pudding. Then I told you all the things I want to talk about with you know. After that I stared deeply into your eyes, you replied but but and I woke up. Everything felt so real. My days without you are getting harder, we have the same friends, my daughter always sees through me, and says, Dad you miss Kim. Then I have to leave the room for a moment. My family asks if i'm talking to you. My friends ask. Everyone is always asking me how we are doing. And everyone knows we aren't together. Except for my daughter. I'm just waiting it out, hoping things get easier for me, instead of harder. This blog helps, my other blog helps. But things seem to be getting harder.
Posted by Waiting for you at 01:11:56 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Wednesday | July 18, 2007

Regret

Regret. That's the word that describes how I feel about my kids. I regret because they are partly the cause of me losing someone very special and very close in my life. Hopefully now I will feel better about this.
Posted by Waiting for you at 05:42:20 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Monday | July 16, 2007

Blessings or Cursed

This afternoon has been especially hard for me. I'm thinking about my children. They mean the world too me. The are blessing me and cursing me all at the same time. It's because of them, not directly of course, that I feel the way I do. I do not understand it. I am hving an exceptionally bad afternoon. Looking at my children is bringing me pain. Pain for what has happened. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not exactly blaming them. I don't know exactly what I'm saying here though either. I just don't know what to do. I can't function as a father right now. I don't have the option of being with you. Good thing my work is so stress free. There are so manyt hings I can't do without you. I have no appetite, no desire, I feel like a robot. I can't function properly unless someone tells me what to do or feel.
Posted by Waiting for you at 20:51:22 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Deja Vu??

I'm having a strange sense of it. I just talked to you again. I am confused all over again. Not that I had everything figured out before but now I am slightly more confused. Also seems that this is getting harder and harder, not easier like its suppose to be. I know it hasn't been that long yet but still. The last one to do this, things got easier. I also can't see things getting easier, and I'm trying to not. Why Do I do this. Over and over I seem to fall for you. I'm trying not to. Do you know what your doing to me??
Posted by Waiting for you at 05:02:09 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Sunday | July 15, 2007

Purpose of Life

What is the purpose of life? More specifically my life? I kinda hoped to be at a better place right now. Maybe I have everything I'll ever get in life. I'm not talking about financial gains. I've learnt that money doesn't make you happy. Just makes you rich and owner of some cool  things. I've been reminasing my life, and I've got 2 things. They are an amasing 2 things but still 2. I have 2 great kids, now that's just 1 thing, and some great friends. Thats about it. I've lost more things. I lost a wife and an amasing girlfriend. Life is so funny it seems. What do nice guys like me get in life? Good girls like bad boys, and good boys don't like bad girls. What kind of joke is that? Should I keep on being a nice guy? Am I maybe too nice? I don't have the answer, maybe someout there does. Please responf someone.
Posted by Waiting for you at 04:10:07 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |

Saturday | July 14, 2007

Good Morning

I woke up this morning and I felt awesome. Well ok I woke up at 1pm. I shouldn't have felt awesome. I got home at 6am last night. That's not alot of sleep and the events in the past week shouldn't have me feeling awesome. I do though. I am reorganizing my life. Doing some things to better myself abit for. I'll leave it a that. Not that there are personal things, but they are boring things. Anyways I'm hoping that there are signs that you are ok. Hopefully you get your issues straightened out. Talking to you makes me so happy. Especialy when you initiate. Which I think is why I am so happy. HAPPY HAPPY.
Posted by Waiting for you at 04:10:16 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Friday | July 13, 2007

Over and Over, 3 Days Grace

Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over, over and over
I try not to
Over and over, over and over
You make me fall for you
Over and over, over and over
You don't even try

Another chorus to a song. I love the meaning behind them. Oh so true. I'm hoping things work out for you. You seem to be doing alright. Keep on going babe. 

 

Posted by Waiting for you at 03:21:09 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |